Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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