Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
