she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I love you.
Bad choice
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
