yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
