Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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