I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
