me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
i think i just lost a toe
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
