Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
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