Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
