You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
