Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
no you cant smoke seaweed
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
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