There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
