I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Randomize
