who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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