who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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