i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize