Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
