yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
