Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
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