you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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