I wish I could teleport
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
