Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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