im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
