Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I need to calm my uterus...
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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