she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
