peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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