wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
