I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
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Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
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No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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