Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
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