Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
3pm strippers are depressing
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize