i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
