Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Randomize
