it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Randomize
