So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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