I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Randomize
