oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
