My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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