I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
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