Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
He did a backflip because drugs
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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