The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
