we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
