remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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