just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
