So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
