The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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