In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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