talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
