The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
