my mouth tastes like poor choices
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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