She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
