i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Randomize
