i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
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What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
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He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
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