She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
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