did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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