So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
