Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
