I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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