Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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