i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
