it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I'm too high and old for this...
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
