There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
