We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
