The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Randomize
