there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
