Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
