My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
