I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
