Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
